School girl crush!

There was a big surprise at Maddie school Yesterday, a boy band called After Romeo came and preformed for her school! They were there for an anti bulling campaign. 

After the preformed they signed Autografs and hugged the girls and guys (maybe) Maddeline  had her arms sighned. She was so happy when I picked her up from school. She chatted all night about this special event. I really have to say it was darling to hear her gush. They are performing at the mall this weekend and she wants to go so badly:) She keeps sighing saying after Romeo is the best band ever. Believe it or not I am not sick of hearing about it. It really makes me smile thinking about my own preteen cute moments. The magic of this age when the world is perfect and I never excperanced real heart ache or disappointment. I love seeing it through my darughters eyes. I really wonder if after Romeo knows how special they made each of these girls feel yesterday. I'm sure they don't  but I want to thank them for giving  my daughter such a special moment. They may never be famous as one direction but they are rock stars in my eyes:)

Pumpkin carving

 Every year we care pumpkins it's a Wilderness family tradition. Hopefully one we never grow out of. We went to The store and picked out the perfect pumpkins. Then the kids ( By the kids I mean Ben and Maddie) picked out patterned to carve.

I guess the big boys weren't interested so it was just Mylissa, Ben and Maddie.

Mylissa helped cut the top off and Ben and Maddie did the rest.

Ben did not want any help he was so excited we let him use the knife by himself .

He took his time so it was done right.

I just love Ben he is growing so fast it is hard on me because he is the baby. Somedays I just wish I could stop time.

As they were carving I was watching the beautiful sunset. The pumpkins turns out great! I will revill them on another post .

Surgery day and my thoughts.

October 21st 6:30 am right before surgery. I was nervous but ready to be done. I rember saying a silent prayer asking to guide the DR. So that he will be confident and sure of every thing he was doing. I also prayed that I would not get sick from to anastesia. Shortly after my prayer I was given sleppy stuff in my meds.

4 hours later I woke up from surgery sore and with an awful head ache. The recovery staff asked me if I wanted coffee for the head ache I said no thank you then they asked me if I wanted coke I said no it will make me burp. I kept saying I just want to go back to sleep please let me go back to sleep. They kept telling me no then I asked for my phone so I could call  Dale to come get me. They laughed and said they would get him. When Dale came back I was so glad to see him he kept talking to me and I kept tring to fall asleep. The nurse came back and asked me how I felt I said like I just had my throat sliced open. She laughed I on the other hand did not think it was funny. My doctor came to talk to me a short while later he told me every thing looked fine and he was sure there was no cancer. I was happy but skeptical .  After doing all the things that need to be done to go home They let me get dressed and go home. 

I took this picture of me when I got home. I cried when I first saw my neck.

It looked awful with a drain comming out the side filling up with blood. I then slept the rest of the day. 

This is all I reall remember of the day after the surgery. I rember talking to my friend Tara when she came over with dinner but I don't rember what we talked about. 

This is me day 3 wearing a lovely scarf some one sent me along with cute little birdi earrings. There was no note in the package I felt an overwellming filling of love for who ever sent it.  Threw this whole proses I have been blessed by kindness and love from those who know me. 

This is kinda gross my frankenstine tube I took this picture right before the doctor took it out. It was not as painful as I thought it would be but still painful.

Here is my Stony dog he was never far from me but did not let me hold him until day 4. 

Day 5 I took this picture of my daddy asleep while watching over me. I was so blessed to have my parents come and take care of me and take my kids to school every day. 

These are some of the beautiful flowers that my friends brought over. I was truly overwhelmed by the love of others I was so touched by how many friends and family members were praying for me. I got so many text, emails phone calls and face book messages and cards.  Most of all through this whole ordeal I felt my Heavenly Fathers love for me. In my deepest moments of sorrow I felt his loveing arms around me I new he new how I was feeling and I new I could freely spill my heart to him. In one of my many talks with him I begged him to not let me have cancer. I felt selfish asking this but Knowing I was allergic to the iodine in the treatment and knowing this would make it harder to treat me I went ahead and asked. 

 I new I would probly hear the results by Friday. I was secretly hopping not to hear anything until my fallow up on Wednesday. It was my exsperance if I heard to soon it was bad news. Friday at 3.30 I said to Dale we'll the Dr. did not call this must be good news. I kid you not 5 mins later he called. I braced Myself for the worse but instead I heard the sweetest words You don't have cancer. I was do relived I could not speak. I honestly was shocked but happy.  I will still have to be tested and monitored for the rest of my life but I can live with that. After telling my family the good news I went up to my room and thanked my Heaveny Father in that moment I new my pleas had been answered. I felt the overwelming  love that my Father in Heaven has for me . I know that with faith in The Lord Jesus Christ we can concor any of life's challenges. I feel very strongly to add that sometimes I know when we ask The Lord  to heal us or our children or family members or friends the answer sometimes has to be no. Not because he loves us any less but that it's just part of his eternal plan havering exspranced a no in the past when asking for our son William to be heald and the answer was No it was hard but he never left my side. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life but I never felt alone or abandoned only loved  I am a better person wife and mother because of my exsperance. It is my testimony and promis that if we are obedient to the teaching if Christ is in our lives will be blessed. 

The best surprise.

I do love surprises so you could imagine how surprised I was when after getting a knock on my door at 8:00 at night I opened the door to see my best friend in the whole world.

She and my husband kept it a secret from me that she was stopping by for a day. 

This picture is awful and she will be mad for a moment that I posted it but I wanted to capture us in the moment.

Berni Jo and I have only known each other for 12 years but in these 12 years we have built a special bond we are as close as sisters are.

We also have gone threw some of the toughest of life events together.

She is my rock and I love her so much.

The day we did get to spend together was filled with doctor appointment's for me.

I had my pre operation appointments I am so glad she and my mom were there I had a slight panic attack in the office and Bernie Jo was able to ask my questions for me.

After my appointment since we were at the Air force academy we went a looked at the chapel.

It is a truly stunning sight. 

The outdide dose not look like a typical chapel in fact the chapel looks like something from a space movie.

The inside is stunning as well I have never seen so many pews in a church and this was only the main chapel.

We did not go into the other chapels.

I loved the stain glass it was almost like we were in a disco the way the light bounced off the stained glass.

After we walked around the base a bit we went home then out to eat with Dale then came back home and spent the night chatting like old times.

It was a short but fun visit and kept my mind off getting surgery on Monday.

White chocolate and M&M popcorn.

Popcorn white chocolate and peanut M& M's whats not to love.

Making my kids a yummy after school snack once in a while makes me think I am a good mom.

So the other day I made them this.

They loved it.

Here is what you need

Salty Sweet Party Popcorn

• 8 cups popped popcorn
• 1 package (24 oz.) white almond bark
• M&Ms

Optional Add-ins

• pretzels
• candy corn
• almonds
• siklets 
• peanuts

Mix popcorn with favorite add-ins.  Melt almond bark.  Pour over popcorn combination.  Stir to coat well.

Spread coated mixture out on wax paper or parchment paper until set and “dry.”  Break apart.  Store in an airtight container.

Benny loves this stuff:)

Weekend get away.

A week ago we decided to get away for the weekend. 

We had a blast it was just what I needed after getting my biopsy results.

We drove up on Friday in the now and stayed until Sunday afternoon.

I had a hard night on Friday I cried a lot and could not sleep. My heart was very heavy not knowing what is exactly going on with my body. This is the hardest part for me the waiting I like to be in control of my life I like to know whats going on even if it's bad.

When I know things I can have a plan this is my biggest and greatest fault I like to plan things and know whats going on this keeps me sane.

So needless to say this journey has been emotionally trying on me. 

I always remind my self I can do hard tings and this is hardly the hardest thing I have ever done.

I really enjoyed listing to conference and hearing the cancel of our general athortys.

I have no doubt that the Lord loves me.

I have been so blessed in my life.

Now for pictures of our fun weekend in Breckenridge.

So they aren't great just cellphone pictures because I was so upset with everything that was going on I forgot my camera.

We had fun hiking and looking at the different ice formation.

I loved seeing all the fall colors on the aspens.

Ben like playing with the ice crystals in the river.

I love Ben's face in this picture.

I love this man he is so good to me.

We hiked around the resort for a little while.

Then came back and watched conference.

I felt like I had a 10 hour spiritual feast.

In between conference sessions  I took pictures of the beauty all around me .

The kids and Dale played in the hot tubs and pool.

It was only 17 degrees out but the water was warm and the ground was heated.

This is what all the no heated areas of the resort looked like.

I am Glad the kids and Dale had fun even if I think they were nuts

More pretty trees. This was my morning view out side my window.

I was super sad to leave. I cant wait until the next time we go.

Save the Date!!

Just kidding don't save the date.

But I have a date the 21 of October that is the day I will be having surgery.

I went to see the surgeon today a nice young man. He answered more of my questions he was still vague on what exactly is going on in my body and said we will have no real answers until the tumor is out and tested.

I also learned that I have two tumors the size of  erasers on my left thyroid. I thought all the tumors were on my right side. For now the doctor said to leave them be until after my surgery and know more about whats going on. 

So for now I am not going to think about them.

I am still unsettled about whats going on put I felt peace and a burden lifted off my shoulder knowing we have a plan in action.

On a side note I found this funny since my friend Sandy teased me the other day that the scar will be no big deal because the doctor will just make an incision in one of the wrinkles in my neck.

When the surgon was looking at my neck he said you have no ageing in your neck to hide the scar. 

Not going to life this made me happy I guess there is an upside to every situation:)

Biopsy Day and results.

October 3rd was biopsy day. As I stated in an earlier post I found a lump on my neck and after getting a sonogram the DR. thought I should get a biopsy.

I am not going to lie I was a little scared knowing the were going to stick a needle in my neck to get cells out.

I talked to a few people who had it done they reassured me it would be OK.

It also seemed like everyone either had a lump on there thyroid and had it tested , or new someone who had it lump on there thyroid and everything was fine. 

I do however know someone who had my same symptoms and had thyroid cancer,

I went to the Dr. optimistic and worry free.

I had a great group of DR. and Tech that made me laugh . Who new they needed so many people in the room to collect a few cells from my neck.

As the tech was mesuering my tumor I asked him how big it is he started telling me numbers then said you have a cadburry egg in your neck

, I asked if it was the candy covered eggs or the chocolate one with a yummy center.

He said the Chocolate one.

He then told me my tumor was really big but not the biggest he has ever seen.

The radiologist came in numbed my neck and the started to take samples. He kept taking about how vascular my tumor was he took 3 swipes and stopped. I was suppose to have 5 swipes but because of how much bleeding and how difficult it was to get the swipes he stopped to see if he got enough cells.

The pathologist said he had enough cells for the test. 

I also heard them talking about 4 more tumors.

When they were done and I was getting ready to leave I asked if I heard him right ? Do I really have 4 more tumors? He said yes they are small and we should worry about them just yet that they were small . 

When I was done I went back to the waiting room where Dale was making weekend plans for Breckenridge. 

I told him I should hear some news the 24 hours at the  earliest but I was not holding my breath It would probably be more like Monday or Tuesday.

Dale and I went to lunch that's when he took this lovely picture of me.

We talked about the fun impromptu weekend we would have with the kids.

I was in good spirits all day I felt calm and excited for the week end.

Later that night I was in a bit of pain I had some swelling at the biopsy site.

I used my lovely hot cold compress to ease the swelling and pain.

I remeber saying my prayers before bed that night great full for everything the Lord has given me I also asked If the news was going to be bad let me know before General Conference A biyearly Conference when our church leaders speak to us  and give us cancel and feel our spiritual cups...

I woke up Friday morning happy and full of excitement for the weekend.

I went shopping and when I got home I noticed my phone was dead. When I turned it back on I had a weird over cheerful message from my DR. who always speaks in a monotone and says no more than he has to say.

He said Mrs. I have your Biopsy results I will call you back later on I hope you are having a good day.

This should have been my first clue something was wrong.

He called me back an hour later.

He was awfully cheery again then he drooped the bomb your test came back not normal.

I tried to get out of him what not normal means but he would not crack. He then said I would be getting a phone call to set up an appointment with the ENT surgeon to remove the tumor.

The ENT Nurse called and said the Surgeon juggled his scheduled so I could be seen at 2:30 on Monday.

I then asked the nurse to tell me what a not normal Biopsy means she said I could spout out all this medical jumble nonsense but your biopsy showed you had bad and abnormal cells . I flat out asked do I have cancer. She said she could not tell me that  I would have to see the results of the biopsy after the tumor was removed.. 

So after talking to many friends who has had cancer or children that had cancer they all confirmed that They had the same thing happen they were told there Biopsy came back not normal or concerning. My friends all said the DR . and nurses never used the word cancer unless they slipped until after the surgery confirmed it.

I do remember this clearly when my best friends daughter was diagnosed with a Wells tumor all the DR. from the hospital we were at were calling it cancer but when we went to children s in Oakland They were hesitated to say she had cancer even those the admitted her to the cancer wing.

So here I am waiting again for answers Knowing that I have cancer even if the Doctors and nurses wont say it out loud to me.

Sometimes I really think DR. think we are dumb I know its all a liability thing but it is irritating on my end.

I also know they are human and kind I have felt kindness by many DR. in the past.

When we found out about our youngest son William and the possibility that he had Edwards syndrome along with his heart defects they were all so loving and kind.

I have felt the same way in the past few weeks how I did when William was diagnosed I felt scared but new he had Edwards and that he would die. 

I know I am not going to die but I know I have cancer. I know I will be OK and that this will just be another opportunity for me and my family to grow closer to our Heavenly Father. 

I will keep you posted with what is going on I see the surgeon at 2:30 I have prayed that I will have clearer answers and a plan of action.

.