Monday, September 23, 2013

Holding on to Faith

I took this picture last Wednesday after getting a phone call from my Dr. saying we need to talk.
My heart was heavy I was upset and a little scared.
But now I have some peace.

So hear is my story about 2 months a go Dale pointed out a bump on my neck me thinking it was no big deal said it's a mole. Dale proceed to feel it and said no there is a bump.
I felt around and felt the lump I made a mental note to make a doctors appointment but kept putting it off. School started and I got more busy every once in a while I would think about the lump I noticed it was getting a little bigger but kept putting off calling the doctor.
A little over a week a go I saw an add for the DR.'s a day time talk show the commercial kept talking about the hidden dangers on your neck. 
I felt a strong feeling I should watch the show so I did and got a little nervous . They were talking about thyroid cancer and how to check your self for it.
Knowing I had a lump right around where my thyroid is I took the swallow test.
The Dr.'s on tv they showed you where your thyroid was located then had you take a  take a drink of water in your mouth hold it and then look in the mirror to see if you have a lump when you swallowed. This was the first time I really could see how big the lump was. I was a little worried and called and got an appointment to see the doctor the next day.
When I saw the Dr. he was concerned at how big the lump was and asked a bunch of questions. He then thought I probably had a hyper thyroid with a toxic nodual.  He was also concerned about my blood pressure and  the fact I am having tachycardia ( a high heart rate) issue I keep having episodes of 110 to 155 beats a minute. The average heart is 60 to 100 beats a minute. All this was explained by having a toxic thyroid. 
I had some blood work done made a sonogram appointment for my thyroid and went on my merry way thinking I had my answers.
Last Wednesday I took my good friend Sandy to the sonogram appointment I hate sonograms I have post  traumatic stress from all the ones I had from William so I now when I think of sonogram I think bad news.
Every thing went smooth I had a funny tech I was not whisked a way to a private room to hear bad new. 
I  got a message a few hours later from my Dr. saying we need to talk today. 
I was not too worried I just thought he wanted to discuss my test results from the blood work.
Dale called from work after the DR. called their trying to get a hold of me.
He scared me because he talked to the doctors at work and they said it was not good that they were calling me the day of the sonogram because if nothing was wrong they would wait 10 days to get all the results.
Ok not going to lie this freaked me out. 
My Doctor called back a few hours later and said all my blood work came back and my thyroid was working normally but the radiologist saw somethings that concerned him from the sonogram. He then told me I had a tumor that looked suspicious and that I  need a biopsy.(Yikes)
I called to make a biopsy appointment and found out the pathologist at the base is out of town until the 3rd of October I will have to wait until then.
At first I was mad that I had to wait so long for answers, I am telling you I am a ball of stress not knowing if I have cancer or not. My panic attacks have been out of control and I cant sleep.
Knowing there is nothing I can do I have given it to the Lord. 
I am trying not to worry and I am having Faith that the Lord knows what is best for me.
I have come to the conclusion that I am probably fine and this is just a small trial in learning to be patient .
I have felt so much love and the prayers of my family and friends these last couple of days. 
I know this will be a short period of my life and no matter what the biopsy shows I will be OK.
I know this journey will only make me stronger.
I am truly blessed to have faith in the Lord and to know he will lift my burdens.
I also have the best Family in the world that loves and supports me.(My kids are the best ever)

PS. My husband has been so loving and kind and really has put me at ease I really am the luckiest girl in the world. 


  1. I will be thinking and praying for you!! I know how scary this ALL can be. Best advise. Let your body go with the emotions :) Its ok to freak out, get scared of the unkown. You are so strong! LOVE YOU

  2. Love you tons Jen!! Been thinking of you. Wish I was there to sit with you. Love, Ande

  3. Oh Jen, so glad you are leaving it up to the Lord. Your faith will get you through this. Sending prayers your way sweetie!! Hugs!!

  4. Thanks for sharing so now we can pray for you! Please keep us updated!